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He smoked two for every one of mine, although I tried to keep up, and he must have been fifty years older. Today he asks me slowly if I’m leaving again soon. I say nothing and light a cigarette. Can I finish smoking this without answering? It’s not an easy question I say, which is met with more silence.

We both know I’m avoiding the reason I arrived unannounced in the night so long ago.





Rumours said double-stacked Mitsubishis were dangerous and we double-dropped the anyway. Handing out pinches in the dark. ‘inner city lifffee’. Dancing fractured by strob lights. Is she looking at me? The girls I loved first were from ex-communist countries. Monik then Marta. Primary then secondary. Is that star a star or a satellite? Drum and bass echoes. Out of the darkness into the light like moths to a kerosene lamp. Now we hold hands on the to deck of the 23 night bus all the way to Grove. We barged past the driver without paying an are 2sing my last cigarette watching London slip past the window. Suck your mum if you dar to turn round. Save a chip for a zoot in bed and maybe we’ll fuck but this kissing feels so good.